The Pursuit of Worthiness

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Two weeks ago, after much deliberation, I decided to quit my job.

This was by no means an easy decision. For starters, as much as I hate to admit it, there is a certain level of comfort that comes with logging into your bank account every 15 days knowing that you’ve been awarded a paycheck; secondly, in spite of the many challenges that the company has faced in the last eighteen months, I am still hopeful about its prospects of achieving profitability by the end of the year; and finally, as trite as it may seem, I have become quite fond of my colleagues – many of whom have contributed immeasurably to my growth, both as a person as well as a professional.

However, if there is one thing that I promised myself when I graduated three years ago, it’s that I would never pursue a belief, an idea, or a vocation without being fully aware of and invested in my underlying motivation. Therefore, when it became clear that my reasons for staying revolved more around self-preservation (e.g. security) than self-worth, I knew I had to make wholesale changes.

Leaving was merely the first. For, as I came to realize, if you are truly committed to making difference, you must be willing to:

1) Find a Central Idea Around Which the Details Arrange Themselves – Gandhi. Einstein. Nightengale. In many ways their transcendent careers were defined by their singular focus – be it non-violent resistance, theoretical physics, or the creation of modern nursing practices.

2) Give Yourself Fully – It is not enough to simply affiliate yourself with a cause you believe in; you must be willing to dedicate yourself completely to its undertaking – even if that means sacrificing pleasures  (e.g. entertainment, material goods, sleep etc) that you’ve grown accustomed to. 

3) Become Thy Master – In order to give yourself fully, you must first gain control over your mental faculties – so that you have the discipline to avoid distraction, the fortitude to meet obstacles head on, and the flexibility to adjust as the landscape around you evolves.

4) Take the Path of Least Resistance – Part of being disciplined means avoiding the temptation to thoughtlessly “impose your will” on external circumstances regardless of the cost. Sometimes, the most effective approach is to simply let matters unfold in front of you – thereby giving yourself the opportunity to move intelligently (and more importantly, without impediment) towards your ultimate goal.

5) Find Like-Minded Individuals – Finally, seldom is a journey as meaningful alone. By “advancing with suitable allies, towards a common [ideal], everybody benefits and makes his/her bright virtue more brilliant (I Ching).”

In short, if there is anything that I have learned in the past couple of weeks, it is that as challenging as it may be: only by aspiring to be worthy do you truly become worthy of your aspirations.

Embrace the Journey

It’s remarkable that three (seemingly) unrelated events can have such a singularly profound impact on the way you think; yet that is exactly what happened this past week.

1) Heart-to-heart chat at work: Last Friday after a couple of incidences wherein (in an effort to make an impression) I inadvertently overstepped my bounds, my manager took me aside, and with the calm assuredness of a big brother told me something that I won’t soon forget: “Akash, though no one questions your passion, if you want to live up to your lofty aspirations, you must learn how and when to use it. Sometimes the best way to [achieve your goals] is to take a step back and play your role – as unglamorous as that may be.”

In other words:  by focusing on the process, you will invariably be able to see the desired result.

2) Trying to make new friends: That night one of my closest buds from college, who happened to be in the Bay Area for the weekend, asked me to spend a couple of days with him and some of his high school friends at a beach house in Monterey. Not having seen him for ages, and not wanting to be a drag, I decided to tag along – even if the prospect of spending two nights with 12 strangers, all of whom had a long history with one another, was somewhat intimidating.

Though the trip ultimately ended up being a blast (I met quite a few genuine folks), I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed on the way home.  Part of me (the part of me that sets unyielding standards) felt as though I had not been as engaging as I could have been; while another part of me (the part that has yet to grow up), felt as though I had not been the kind of focal point I should have been.

So again, instead of being grateful for the weekend that I had (i.e. the process), I found myself brooding over the opportunity I had missed (i.e. the result).

3)  Pixar’s Up (spoiler alert!): Finally a few days ago, I decided to go check out Pixar’s Up in theaters.

In one of the film’s more poignant moments (and there are many), the protagonist, Mr. Fredrickson, having at long last achieved his dream of traveling to “Paradise Falls” slumps into a chair emotionally and physically exhausted. Exhaling, he reluctantly opens his late wife’s  adventure scrapbook and begins flipping through the pages – painfully and acutely aware of the fact that she isn’t there to share (in what was supposed to be) their accomplishment.

Unable to go on, he stops short of the section entitled “Things I want to do” (a section he had long presumed to be reserved for moments like these) and makes to shut the book for good. However as he does, a funny little thing happens: he catches a glimpse of a picture he hadn’t seen before.

Perplexed (and slightly scared of what he might see), Carl takes a deep breath and turns the page.

To his utter astonishment, he discovers that his wife hadn’t left the section blank at all. Rather, picture after picture, page after page, she had filled it with snapshots of their life together. Small, simple memories that together had amounted to the greatest adventure of all: their marriage.

Thus, sentiment aside, if there is anything that I have come to realize in the past week and a half it is that oftentimes the journey is just as, if not more important than the destination itself.

Embrace it. Even if it’s not the one you wished to take, chances are it’s the one you were meant to.

Take Your Time

Long ago,  in a speech inspired by and dedicated to my graduating high school class,  I suggested that:

Everywhere we look, every person we meet, and every second of our life is glorious; however truth be told, only children truly realize that, feel it. For, on the train of actuality only the young look intently outside the window, only the young stare wide-eyed at the trees zipping by them in a blur of green, only the young giggle as birds fly freely alongside, and only the young smile from within as they drift into innocent sleep by their mother’s side… Childhood: it is the essence of our existence and the key to our survival.

Little did I know those words would take on renewed meaning years later, when just a few days ago, jelly-legged from a jog down to the beach, I collapsed on a park bench overlooking the Puget Sound. Panting, hunched over, and head sunk, my eyes glossed over a small bronze plaque resting calmly between my feet, that read simply, “Take your time…”

Too tired to object (and too lazy to argue), I leaned back against the weathered planks, slid down into a groove, stretched my arms out on either side of me, and just sat there taking it all in.

The waves. The breeze. The sun-drenched sky.

For the first time in months, the inescapable burden and suffocating urgency of post-college life (e.g. unemployment, family  obligations, life goals, etc) gave way to a larger, more profound truth: to rush forward is to fall short of one’s potential.

To succeed then, I realized we must invariably:

1) Take Interest – Taking interest, particularly when you yourself are trying desperately to get noticed, seems like a waste of time (and a surefire way to be left feeling vulnerable). However I assure you, it was only when I started focusing on select companies, reaching out to specific individuals, and offering my services for free that I began to forge the kind of lasting reciprocal relationships that are synonymous with long-term success.

2) Engage in Dialogue – Real (wo)men are not afraid to ask for directions! If only someone had told me that 5 months ago, I wouldn’t have spent countless hours applying to jobs that had little intrinsic value, and more time talking to and learning from individuals that I admired. But hey, better late than never right?

3) Act Consistently – A senior executive at Hewlett Packard, and a fellow Wharton alum, told me something I will not soon forget. He said, “[Akash] remember that you should manage yourself like you manage a brand. First identify your unique selling proposition (e.g. hard worker, attention to detail etc). Then ensure that everything you do reinforces that brand. Even if it gets frustrating  you [must] keep that energy up.”

Like it or not you see, there is only one certainty on the train of actuality: you cannot choose where we get off,  but you can always choose how you spend your time on board.

Beyond Full

If there is anything I’ve learned in the last few years it’s that when life drops a hint (or in this case ten) you listen.

Luckily for me, I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter yesterday. For, every time I was on the verge of succumbing to my frustrations (frustrations that had come to a head after yet another disheartening experience with a prospective employer) I was firmly and serendipitously reminded why I persist.

1) Family – “I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life (Abraham Lincoln).” Fifteen years from now, if there is one thing I will undoubtedly remember about yesterday, it is that despite all of her work and all of her obligations, my Mom the OB/GYN decided to come home early just so that she, Dad, and I could walk down to the beach together before sunset.

2) Kindness – Kindness, particularly when unrequited, is one of our greatest and most generous gifts. Late last night Miranda Maney, a fellow Penn Grad and ad copywriter in the Bay Area wrote me a page long email  (though it could very well have been 3!) filled with support, wisdom, and perspective – all despite the fact that we’ve talked on the phone only once, have corresponded back and forth a total of maybe 10-15 times, and have never met in person. Wow.

3) Conviction – Our conviction in ourselves, our family, and in our creed (religious or otherwise) is the only thing that gives us courage to stand strong in the face of gathering clouds. Last night, for the first time (that I can remember) since being diagnosed with Parkinson’s I heard my Dad say, in no uncertain terms, “I will not be defined by a mere disability” – upon finishing an inspirational PBS Frontline special on the disease.

4) Humanity – The older we get the harder and more imperative it is for us to internalize the inherent beauty and humanity of each moment. Few I would argue understand this better than Meera Sinha, whose anecdotal post yesterday about a selfless rickshaw driver epitomizes what it is to be human.

5) Love – “The life and love we create is the life and love we live (Leo Buscaglia).” If ever there was a story that encapsulated the essence of those words, it is the one I came across early yesterday morning chronicling the life and death of Robert and Darlene Moser.

6) Friendship – “I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know (Ralph Waldo Emerson)…” To all my friends who listened, encouraged, and advised me in a moment of weakness (S.D, R.K, D.G, P.W, U.T, D.S, S.A etc): thank you sincerely.

7) Humility – “To be humble to superiors is duty, to equals courtesy, and to inferiors nobleness (Benjamin Franklin).” Though it would take me an entire post to discuss the merits of serial entrepreneur/professor Rajesh Setty‘s latest book entitled, Beyond Code: 9 Simple Ways to Distinguish Yourself (which I finished mid-afternoon), I suspect all I (or anyone for that matter) needs to know of the man himself, is that in spite of the countless hours he put into the work, and in spite of the many priceless suggestions he bestows, he hasn’t asked for a cent.

8) Inspiration – Inspiration and ultimately self-fulfillment comes from within. Case in point, more than a month ago one of my contacts in the Bay Area, Chris Hutchins, fell victim to the current economic climate when he was unceremoniously laid off from work. However, rather than wallow in his own misery (as I embarrassingly did), I learned yesterday that he decided to take matters into his own hands and start the now wildly acclaimed “LaidoffCamp” for unemployed tech geeks.

9) Music – Life without music would indeed be a mistake (Friedrich Nietzsche). But before yesterday, I would have never imagined that listening to the greatest rags-to-riches song in hip-hop history (“Juicy” by Biggie) for three straight hours could do so much for a person’s psyche.

10) House – Seriously, is there a better show on television (or in my case, Hulu)? Not only was last week’s episode typically brilliant, but it was entitled, “Big Baby” (as if I needed another blatant reminder to remove my diaper and quit whining before going to bed!).

So there you have it: if this is the only life we live – and by all accounts that seems to be the case – then why be ordinary? Why not do the extraordinary? Why not smile?

What 3 things made you smile today?