Never Compromise

If you haven’t read “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey, I suggest you put it at or near the top of your to-do list (right after enabling world peace and watching 24 consecutive hours of ’24’). If not for the life lessons, then at least so you can put into practice what you have long known in your gut to be true:  “if you want to achieve… [you must] identify and apply the principle or natural law that governs the results you seek.”

Because, as obvious as those words  may seem, many of us (myself included) are guilty of addressing our most fundamental challenges with short-term, short-sighted fixes consistent with today’s increasingly “on-the-go” society – instead of seeking lasting solutions based upon timeless principles.

To illustrate this dichotomy, here are some examples from Covey’s book that I found particularly relevant:

“What’s in it for me?”: “Our culture teaches us that if we want something in life, we have to ‘look out for number one.’ It says, ‘Life is a game, a race, a competition, and you better win it.’ Schoolmates, work colleagues, even family members are seen as competitors – the more they win, the less there is for you. Of  course we try to appear generous and cheer for others’ successes, but inwardly, privately, so many of us are eating our hearts out when others achieve. Many of the great things in history of our civilization have been achieved by the independent will of a determined soul. But the greatest opportunities and boundless accomplishments …are reserved for those who master the art of ‘we.’ True greatness will be achieved through the abundant mind that works selflessly – with mutual respect, for mutual benefit.”

Blame and Victimism: “Wherever you find a problem, you will usually find the finger-pointing of blame. Society is addicted to playing the victim. ‘If only my boss wasn’t such a controlling idiot…If only I lived in a better place…If only I hadn’t been so poor…If only…If only.’ Blaming everyone and everything else for our problems and challenges may be the norm and may provide temporary relief from the pain, but it also chains us to these very problems. Show me someone who is humble enough to accept and take responsibility for his or her circumstances…and I’ll show you the supreme power of choice.”

Lack of life Balance: “Life in our cell phone society is increasingly complex, demanding, stressful, and exhausting. For all our efforts to manage our time, do more, be more, and achieve greater efficiency through the wonders of modern technology, why is it we increasingly find ourselves in the ‘thick of things’ – subordinating our health, family, integrity, and many of the things that matter most to our work? The problem is that our modern culture says, ‘go in earlier, stay later, be more efficient, live with the sacrifice for now – but the truth is that balance and peace of mind are not produced by these things; they follow the person who develops a clear sense of his or her highest priorities and who lives with focus and integrity towards them.”

Conflict and Differences: “Society’s competitive approach to resolving the conflict and differences tends to center on ‘winning as much as you can.’ Though much good has come from the skillful art of compromise, where both sides give on their positions until an acceptable middle point is reached, neither side ends up truly pleased. What a waste to have differences drive people to the lowest common denominator between them! What a waste to fail to unleash the principle of constructive  cooperation in developing solutions to problems that are better than either party’s original notion!”

Think about that.

Embrace the Journey

It’s remarkable that three (seemingly) unrelated events can have such a singularly profound impact on the way you think; yet that is exactly what happened this past week.

1) Heart-to-heart chat at work: Last Friday after a couple of incidences wherein (in an effort to make an impression) I inadvertently overstepped my bounds, my manager took me aside, and with the calm assuredness of a big brother told me something that I won’t soon forget: “Akash, though no one questions your passion, if you want to live up to your lofty aspirations, you must learn how and when to use it. Sometimes the best way to [achieve your goals] is to take a step back and play your role – as unglamorous as that may be.”

In other words:  by focusing on the process, you will invariably be able to see the desired result.

2) Trying to make new friends: That night one of my closest buds from college, who happened to be in the Bay Area for the weekend, asked me to spend a couple of days with him and some of his high school friends at a beach house in Monterey. Not having seen him for ages, and not wanting to be a drag, I decided to tag along – even if the prospect of spending two nights with 12 strangers, all of whom had a long history with one another, was somewhat intimidating.

Though the trip ultimately ended up being a blast (I met quite a few genuine folks), I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed on the way home.  Part of me (the part of me that sets unyielding standards) felt as though I had not been as engaging as I could have been; while another part of me (the part that has yet to grow up), felt as though I had not been the kind of focal point I should have been.

So again, instead of being grateful for the weekend that I had (i.e. the process), I found myself brooding over the opportunity I had missed (i.e. the result).

3)  Pixar’s Up (spoiler alert!): Finally a few days ago, I decided to go check out Pixar’s Up in theaters.

In one of the film’s more poignant moments (and there are many), the protagonist, Mr. Fredrickson, having at long last achieved his dream of traveling to “Paradise Falls” slumps into a chair emotionally and physically exhausted. Exhaling, he reluctantly opens his late wife’s  adventure scrapbook and begins flipping through the pages – painfully and acutely aware of the fact that she isn’t there to share (in what was supposed to be) their accomplishment.

Unable to go on, he stops short of the section entitled “Things I want to do” (a section he had long presumed to be reserved for moments like these) and makes to shut the book for good. However as he does, a funny little thing happens: he catches a glimpse of a picture he hadn’t seen before.

Perplexed (and slightly scared of what he might see), Carl takes a deep breath and turns the page.

To his utter astonishment, he discovers that his wife hadn’t left the section blank at all. Rather, picture after picture, page after page, she had filled it with snapshots of their life together. Small, simple memories that together had amounted to the greatest adventure of all: their marriage.

Thus, sentiment aside, if there is anything that I have come to realize in the past week and a half it is that oftentimes the journey is just as, if not more important than the destination itself.

Embrace it. Even if it’s not the one you wished to take, chances are it’s the one you were meant to.